24. Dezember 2000
England
Well, Well, this boys. Good, they are not that bad. But of course, they do NOT know, what the word "work" means. They think, life is just having fun. But no, I say! And this is what I said to this boys, when they asked me, why I am at CI5 office - "Headquarters", they call it, cleaning - which is my profession, after all - on the 24th Dezember. I mean, I am proud on my job, yes! And I ask you, when do you want to show your good work, if not on a special day? I want it all nice and clean and properly done, before I go - more so, since Wilma, my collegue, is ill, with a bad cold. So I do it alone, and that needs longer, so I am on work on the 24th. Thats it.But I must say, it is nice, that they drived me to the airport. Heathrow, that is. Of course, I would not have asked. But they said, they have to go there. Not happy about it, they are! Young ones! I always say, they do not have a proper sense for work! My generation is other: We put work before. And like my mother said: First you do your work, second, you have your free time! And so it is, that I go only today with the aeroplane home, to Bayern, which is the most beautiful country in the world, I say.
And the boys, they go to the airport, because there is a little mission there for them.
On the drive, I see the lights of London, and I see the wet surface of the street. No snow, this year. I think, that perhaps fog comes. I look in my handbag, and the little figure is there. It is a "Krippen"-figure, for a crib, that means, made of wood. I have it a long time, and it is important, that I bring it with me, for my family, because on Christmas it must be in the "Krippe" of our family! When we arrive at Heathrow, the wind is getting very strong. I hope not, that a storm is developing!
We all go in, and the boys to the "Arrivals", and me to the "Departures". And if it wouldn't have been wet outside, my shoes, the good ones, wouldn't have gone all slippery, and I wouldn't have fallen, thats for sure. I don't know, when der maledeite Mistkrüppl, der 1000fach maledeite, my handbag took. I think, It was in the moment, I stood up and looked at my battered suitcase and my knee. I shouted. Very loud. I can shout VERY loud. Everybody looked (not that there were many people around), and also the boys, who weren't gone so far. And I must say this for them: They are not slow, no, not at all. When they realised, that this baddy had taken my handbag, they ran after him! They are professionals, you understand! They do it all day. Not that they are police. No. And I am not allowed to say more. But I say this, it was very nice done, and the little rat did go to the floor with a very satisfactory "bang" when one of the boys catched him! And then, there was of course a lot of "oh" and "ah", and the airport-police, but in the end, my handbag was back!
And it is not, that the tears did run down my cheeks because the little figure was restored to me with it. What do you think of me? Eh? It was because my knee hurt, of course! And that was, what I also told the boys. And we all did some clearing of our throats. And I cleaned my nose.
And then, after that, we heared, that the wind was too heavy, a blizzard actually, and that at the moment, no airplane can land, and no start! England, I say!! Always the same and nobody did find until today something against the weather! So we sat in this uncomfortable plastic-chairs. And well, one of the boys asked about the little wooden figure, and since it was the holy night, and they a little bit subdued and down, if you know what I mean, I thought, I show it to them, and since we had all to wait, I thought, I would tell them the story that goes with it. A Christmas story, sort of, because this all happened at one 24th of Decembre and at home, in Bayern, da wo i z'haus bin.
Christmas is a Place in your HandbagUnd dös hoat sich zuatrag'n zur a Zeit, wo i no jung woar, und a bisserl ungeduldig, manchmal! I hoab' scho' imma in'd Wöld aussikomma woll'n, und raus aus dem Dorf, wo i aufgwachsn bi'. I hab halt scho imma an Freiheitsdrang g'habt, wennst vastehst, woas i moin. Und so bin i z'Minga komma. "München", wia's die Preißn nenn'n von denen es jo net grad wenig in dera Stadt gibt. Und weil die Stadt deir is, hoab i mir so a kloans Wagerl ang'schafft, an Käfer, gebraucht, und bin alleweil zur Arbeit in Minga und wiada hoim g'fahrn, 's war billiger so!
And this happened at a time, where I was young and a little bit impatient, sometimes! Me, I wanted always to go into the world, and out of the village, where I grew up. That was, because I always had a big desire to be free, if you understand, what I mean. And so I came to Munich: "Minga", in my dialect, "München" how the Prussians call it, who live in great numbers in this city. And because the city is expensive, I bought a little car, a "beetle", second-hand, and drove all the time to work and home again, it was much cheaper so!
Also, i hoab als Bedienung g'arbeit, im Hoafbreihaus, do, wo alle Fremd'n hingehn, und Einheimische a'. Und kloar, an Weihnacht, doa woar zua. Abr am Heilig'n Oabnd erscht auf'd Nacht. Und so hoab i ebn bedient, weil, i hoab ja mei Wagerl g'habt, und doa woar i frei, und hoab jo dann au hoimfahr'n kenna, so das i auf d' Noacht scho dahoim war, und dös wollt i au. Schließlich willst am Weihnacht'n dahoim sei, und vorher wollt i ja nur noch mei Arbeit fertigmoachn und gut bezahlt wars' au.
Well, I worked as a waitress, in the "Hofbräuhaus", that is, where all the tourists go, and also some Bavarians themselves. And of course, at Christmas, it was closed. But at the Holy Night, it had open during the day. And so I did my job on this day. After all, I had my car, and so I was free, I could drive home in the evening, so that I could be at home at night, and that was, what I wanted on that day - because, at Christmas, you want to be at home. Before that I only wanted to finish my work, and well payed work it was.
S' war halt dann wia's imma is, wennst wegkomma willst, erst woars des eine, dann des and'r und wia i scho leicht ungeduldig woar, und alle Gäscht nahezu drauß'n woarn, do is doch noch diese Ausländerin komma. I hoab glei g'wußt: Dia kann net zoahln, dia will woas umasonscht. Mei so a kloans Dingerl woars. Sie is mir grad bis zum Busn ganga, und ganz verhungert hoats ausg'schaut und mächtig fremdländisch, mit ihre schwoarz'n Hoar und deam dunklen Teint und dene schwarz'n Augn. Und sie hoat au nur ganz gebroch'n deutsch g'sprochn. Also i wollt's net einilassn, und am End hoab i sie hoalt doch noch neig'lassn, I woas a net, warum.
It was then of course, like it always is, when you want to get away, first there is one thing, and then another, and when I was already slightly impatient, and nearly all guests were out, then there came this foreign woman. I knew immediately: That is one who cannot pay, that is one who wants something for nothing. Yeah, well, but she was such a little person. She just reached my bossom and she looked very hungry and very foreign, with her black hair and the olive coloured skin and this black eyes. And she also spoke very little German. Well, I didn't want it, but in the end I did let her in, I don't know why.
Und i hoab ihr dann noch so a poar Resterln gebn, von dene ganz'n Schlemmereien woar no reichlich übrig, und s' is mir au immer gegn's Herz gangn, wenn man so woas wegwirft, und dös is es, woas sie natürlich tun, in so a groaßn Kuchn, und so hats halt no an Sinn g'habt. Sie hoat mir dann danken wolln auf ihre fremdländische Art, und woar hoalt recht überschwänglich, do hoab i's natürlich a weng dämpft, weil, dös is net unsere Art und 's wird eim joa grad peinlich, wenn da einer so rumtuat. Und eigentlich hoab i's auch eilig g'habt, i wollt ja hoim.
And I gave her a few left-overs, from all this fine food, there was still a lot there, and it always did go against my heart, when you have to throw away things like that. But that is, what they of course do, in such a big kitchen, and so, it had made some sense, me giving something of that food to this girl. She then wanted to thank me, in her foreign style, and she was mightily exuberant, and I of course - I damped her a little bit, because, that is not our style, and it actually gets embarrassing, if someone is behaving like that. And really, I was in a hurry now, I wanted to go home.
Also, ums kurz zu machn, wia's fertig woar, mit deam Ess'n - da hoat sie mir dann dös Figürl gebn, geradezu aufdrängt hoat sies mir. 'S woar so a hölzerns ang'maltes Marien-Figürl. I hoabs in mei Taschn packt, und dann nix wia los, i woar ja scho mächtig spät mittlerweile, und dunkl woars und voller Schnee und groad unangenehm zum Fahrn. Zu der Zeit hoats no kei' Audobahn gebn, die Fahrerei war also grad a Plagerei. Und i hoab scho allweil vor meine Aug'n mei Familie g'sehn, wias jetza beianand sitzt, und hofft, das i rechtzeitig komm, wenigschtens für die Bescherung, weil, fürs Ess'n woars jetzt sowieso schon zu spät. Aber woas willst machn? Und i hoab alleweil an meine kloaneren G'schwister denkt, wiaß ungeduldig wer'n weils doch endlich ihre G'schenk' segn wolln.
Well, to make a long story short, when she was ready with the meal, she gave me that little figure, practically she forced it upon me. It was such a wooden, painted Marien-Figure. I put it in my bag, and then - away! I was mightily late already, and dark it was and everywhere there was snow and it was very uncomfortable to drive. And all the time, I saw before my eyes my family, how they sit together now, and how they hope, that I will make it in time, at least for the presents! For the meal, it was already to late, so much was clear. But what can you do? And all the time, I thought about my little brothers and sisters, how they are getting impatient, because they want to see their presents after all.
So woar i mächtig froh, wiar i dann endlich abbiegn konnt, von dera großn Hauptstroaßn und auf dös letzte Stückerl Weg komma bin. Groad so hoab i no die Fahrspurn gesegn im Schnee, und hoab ihne g'folgt, und hoab derweil alleweil au bedacht, das i kurz nach dem Wald, der auf halber Strecke kommt, scharf rechts abbieg'n muaß, weil die Straße da den Knick moacht, woas man im Schnee aber net segn kann. Derweilen hoat sich au' no' a Nebel entwickelt, woas aber net ung'wöhnlich is bei mir dahoim, weil dös von alters her a anmoorige Gegend is. Und wia i so dahinfahr, denk i mir wieder amal, wia die Welt doch verschiedn aussieht, wenn alles vom weißen Nebel zuadeckt is'. Wiar i dös grad so vor mich hin sinnier, schaug i um mi' und denk: "Ja zefix, is jetza dös no richtig??" Plötzlich fallts mir siedendheiß ein, woar jetza der verreckte Knick der elendige scho da g'wehn? Jo, wenn i jetzt dös wüßt! Aber stegnbleibn moag i au net, weil, es is total einsam hier, und in dem Schnee kanns Dir passiern, und du kommst nimmamehr zum fahrn! Doch wiar i so vorsichtig dahinfahr, wird mir immer klarer, dös is net richtig!
So, I was really glad, when finally I could turn off from the big street. The last part of my journey had come. I followed the little lane as good as possible. Thank god, I could see some tracks in the snow, which I followed, and also I remembered, that I had to make a sharp turn to the right after the the little forest. Thats the moment, where the lane is making a turn to the right, but in the snow, you cannot see it. In the meantime, also a fog was coming down, but that is not unusual here, where I am at home. It has always been marshy land. And as I drive, I think, how different the world look, when everything is hidden in the white fog. I am just thinking that, and look around and think: " ja zefix, where am I?" Suddenly I remember with a shock: I had to go sharp right somewhere, did I do it? Ah, I don't know! But I don't want to stop, because, it is completely lonely here, and in this snow it can happen, when you stop, that you can't start again! But during this careful driving, it gets clear and clearer to me: I am wrong.
Zwoar hoab i immer no a Spur im Schnee, da is scho einer no' vor mir g'fahrn, aber dös is a Feldweg, i bin ma sicher! Groad wia dös sich in meinem Kopf festsetzt, machts an Ruckler, 's schnackelt gewaltig, die Welt schaugt plötzlich ganz und gar schief aus, und i komm gewaltsam zum Stegn. HeiligeMariagottesMariaundJosefhilf, denk i mir, aber dafür woars jetza au scho zu spät.
Okay, I still follow a track, here was someone before me, but thats only a field-path, I am sure! And just at that moment, when I feel certain, it makes a jerk, there is a big bang, and the world looks all lop-sided all of a sudden, and I stop with vehemence. HolyMaryfromGodMaryandJosefhelp!, I think, but its already to late for that.
Mei erschter Gedanke is, doas dös net sei ka', der zweite, doas es aber doch is! I muaß in so an Grab'n g'fahrn sein, so an verstecktn. I bleib no so a Zeit einfach sitzn, und versteh' dann doch, dass i aussteign muaß. Also, i raus aus dem schiefn Karrn, und gschaug mi um, nix zu segn wia weiß: Auf'm Bodn alleweil bloß dera Schnee, und höchschtens a bisserl woas Dunkles von am Weidezaun, und ringsumadum nur dös wabrige Weiß von deam Nebel, dem nixigen. Und still woars! Mei so still. Gfurcht hoab i mi direkt, so komplett hoast gar nix ghört. Dann hoab i mi aufgrafft, und bin um dös Auto umadnum, aber dös war fest'gesteckt als ob der Deifi selber sei Hand im Spiel g'habt hätt. Dann bin i' wieder eini, in dös Käferl, und hoab versucht, wieder alles bessern Wiss'ns, ausizufahrn, aber dös hat mi' bloss noch mera in a Schieflagn g'bracht. Derweil'n woar i so zornig, das i wir a Hexn ausm Wagn wiada aussig'sprungn bin, und richtig mit eahm, Gott und dera Wöld g'schimpft hoab.
My first thought is, that it is not possible that this happens, and the second, but that it is exactly what happens. I must have driven into a ditch, a hidden one. For a time I only sit, but understand then, that I have to leave the car. Good, I go out of the lop-sided vehicle, and I look around me: nothing but whiteness: On the ground everywhere only the snow, and perhaps a little bit of dark from a fence, and all around me only the ghostly paleness of the fog. And silent it was! So silent. I was suddenly afraid because of this complete absence of any noice. Then I put myself together, and walked around the car, but it was so pinned in the snow, as if the devil himself had had a hand in it. Then, I sat back in the little beetle, and tried - against my better knowledge - to drive out again, but that brought only more desaster. In the meantime, I was so full of wrath, that I jumped out of the vehicle again like a witch und started shouting with the Car, God and the World in general.
Wiar i koa Luft mehr b'kommn hoab, bin i na plötzlich ganz erschöpft g'wehn. Mei ganzer Körper hat direkt zittert und i bin im Schnee hing'sunkn. Nachara Zeit is' mir b'wußt g'worn, doas i alleweil mei Handtasch' an mi preßt halt', und hoab dann drin nacharm Schnupfntücherl gesucht, weil mei Nas' allmählich ganz narrisch g'laufn is. Wiari so kram, war na dann dös Holzfigürl plötzlich in meine Händ. Und grad in deam Moment, i schwörs - kommt der Mond aussi, und bescheint's gradewegs wia so a Scheinwerfa. I hoab vielleicht guckt, dös kennts euch vielleicht denka. Und plötzlich hoab i mi gar nimma so schlecht g'fühlt. Irgndwia woars, als ob i nimma alloa doa in dera Kältn g'wesn wär, sondern jemand mit mir. Und die Maria und i, wia hamm dann ang'fangn uns a weng zu unterhoaltn.
After a while, I couldn't breath anymore, and was suddenly completely exhausted. My whole body trembled and I sank into the snow. After a time I realised, that I pressed my handbag against me all the this time and I looked then in it after a handkerchief, because my nose had started dropping like mad. As I search, suddenly the little wooden figure is in my hands. And at this moment - I swear, it was so - the moon comes out and shines directly on it, like a spotlight. Well, you can perhaps imagine, how I looked. And all of a sudden I didn't feel so bad anymore. It was like I wasn't alone anymore in this cold, as if someone was with me. And then, Maria and me, we started a little chat.
Sie hoat mir a bisserl woas erzählt, wia dös so is, wenn ma ganz arm is und koa Geld hoat und ummanandreisn muaß. Und wias direkt froh woarn, doas dann wenigst in die Scheun' komma sind. Kloar, dös woar für dös Vieh, aber es woar warm und a Stroh woar da. Sie hat ja dann dort au Ihr Kinderl kriagt. Do haob i dann fast g'meint, i hätt sie lächln gesegn. A Schmarrn natürlich, und nur so a Reflex von deam Mondlicht, dös jetza voll da war und der Nebl is bloß noch knapp über'm Bod'n g'wehn. I hoab dann dera Maria die Gegnd erklärt, die man ja jetza in deam Licht gut hat segn könn'n, Wia dös all's Weideland is', für die Küh, und ab und zu a bisserl Wald, und unwirklich schön hoats alles ausg'sehn in deam weißen Mondlicht. Und eigentlich, hoab i dann g'sagt, könnt dös jetzt grad überall auf dera Wöld sei, dös Fleckerl, die Erde zu'deckt vom Schnee, der schwarze Himmel über uns mit seinen Sternen und dem großen Mond. Dann warn ma beide a Zeitlang still, ganz still. Da is a Ruh eing'kehrt in mei Herz, und a Fried'n, und alles woar gut.
She told me something about how it is, when you are very poor and don't have any money and have to travel around. And how they were really happy, when they could stay in the shed at least. Good, it was for the cattle, but it was warm and there was some straw. She had then also her little child there. And I thought for a short moment, I saw her smile. Nonsense, of course, it was only a reflex from the moonlight, which was now getting strong, and the fog was only some feet above the ground now. I showed then Maria the country around us, which was very well visible in the light from above. I explained how all this is pasture-ground for the cows, and sometimes small forests and all looked unreal and beautiful in the white light from the moon. Und actually, I said this could now be everywhere on the world, this little place, the earth covered with snow, the black sky above us with the stars and the big moon. Then we were both quiet for a time, completely quiet. That was, when a calmness came in my heart, and peace, and everything was well.
Dann hoat die Maria g'meint, jetza solltn wir uns aufmacha, und so weit iss nimma, da lauf ma doch! Dös hamma dann au g'macht, alleweil durch die Winterwelt, die zaubrische. Dohoam war'ma dann so nach drei Stund'n, Mitternacht woar scho' vorbei, und alles war schon still. Nur mei' Vadda, der is noch in der Kuchn geseßn, und hoat mi stumm ang'schaut. "I bin dohoam" sag i bloß z'eahm, und stell des Figürl aufn Tisch. "Na dann is' recht", sagt er, und steht langsam auf und geht nach ob'n. Dös woars, weit'r is nix passiert. Nur am nächstn Toag is die Maria zu dena anderen Figürl'n in unsere Kripp'n komma. Wias Fest ummiwoar, hoab i's wiada an mich g'nomma. Und seit dem Toag is alleweil jed's Jahr wiada mit mir zamma g'reist. Und selbst wenn ma mal net hoamkomma sind, wars doch a wia dohoam, weil, i hoabs ja allweil an Weihnacht hier in mein'r Handtasch' und so bin i an Weihnacht imma dohoam, woar i au bin!
Then, Maria said, that we should start, it's not far from here, we can walk the distance! And that, we did do, all the time through the magic winterworld. At home we were then after about three hours, midnight was over, and everything was silent. Only my father, he was still awake, sitting in the kitchen and he looked without a word at me. "I am home" I only say to him und put the figure on the table. "Then it is right" he says, and rises slowly to his feet, and goes upstairs. That was it, that was all that happened. Only at the next day, Maria came to the other little figures in our "Krippen", the crib. When the feast was over, I again took her. And since that day, every year she travels with me. And also, when we don't have a chance to come home, it is like 'at home', because, I have her always here, on Christmas, in my handbag. And so it is, that I am always at home at Christmas, no matter, where I am!
I gave a warm smile, and said: "Christmas is a place in your heart, you know?" And when I saw the stunned looks of the people around me, I couldn't help it and chuckled. Then, one of the boys smiled cheekily and said: "Hmmm. In your case, I would say, Christmas is a place in your handbag, Resi." That was, when everyone around started giggling.
"Yeah, but look around you: terrible place to be at Christmas" one of the other people said, with a dark look.